Reflections of a Time Past

Where to begin...at the beginning, of course!

I miss being mortal sometimes. Today is one of them as I watch those on Mernac go about their daily business. I envy those with lovers, for I, too, once had one that I loved dearly. Still do, in fact. I often find myself wondering what he's doing, and where he is. Frequently, I search Mernac to locate him and watch over him. Perhaps, one day, we will be together again.

But...will he love me still? Or will he despise me for all the dark deeds I have done? Try as I might, I will never forgive myself for the deception that I fell into. Perhaps I could forgive myself if I knew that he forgives me deep in his heart. Words only mean so much, and I betrayed him deeply, terribly.

Ah well, enough sad thoughts. For not only I feel as I do, but the others of the ShadowGuard do as well, and I have no desire to have them feel as forlorn and depressed as I do now. Perhaps I can cheer myself up with some deep, dark, sensual thoughts of what I would desire most.

What do I desire most? Well, it is not for light reading, mind you! What I desire most, is the one man, well, elf really, that I love. If I could just have Arumbus in my arms one more time!

Oh dear, I hear my name being called. I suppose I'll have to continue these thoughts later...